"I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to give you a hope and a future."

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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Pure Joy

As many know we welcomed our new baby girl, Katelyn Joy, on February 2nd.  For any interested I'll tell you a short version of her birth.  Towards the end of my pregnancy I was told several times I was going to have another big baby and they wanted to deliver her early to make sure she didn't get too big like my other two.  She ended up being 7 lbs 11 oz!  The doctor declared "Average for most but a peanut for you!"

So one week before her due date on 2-2-12 we went to the hospital to be induced.  We had to be there at 7 am... we were a little late... and by 9 am we had done all our paperwork and were in our room.  They started pitocin just after 9 am and my mom arrived shortly after that. 

The contractions didn't pick up right away but soon enough I was in active labor.  We had a small scare when the doctor came to break my water and the baby moved up!  He said he wasn't sure if she was as big as they thought and he also thought she was NOT head down!  They brought in an ultrasound machine and I knew they would say I needed a c-section if she wasn't head down.  But we were all relieved when they ultrasound showed she WAS head down. 

The nurses were great and gave me wireless monitors so I could walk and stand and move freely.  I had to drag my IV around with me but Chris and my mom helped me with that.  I labored mostly standing and also sitting on the edge of my bed.  Chris rubbed my back because unlike with my last two I had a lot of pain in my lower back.  My mom was a constant source of support reminding me that I could do it and that I was doing well and to breathe and not tense up.  I found forcefully blowing out air during a contraction helped me through them the most, although at one point I got dizzy doing this and had to work hard to slow down my breathing.

At just after 3:00 pm I had been in hard labor and I reached that "I want to give up" point.  Chris and my mom were fantastic coaches and so encouraging!  They checked me and said I was only at 7 maybe 8 centimetres and I felt discouraged because now it was very painful.  But not long later as I sat on the edge of the bed I asked my mom to get me a hair tie to put my hair back when a contraction came and I immediately yelled to get the doctor. 

The doctors and nurses came tearing in and Chris said they came so fast that stuff was falling off the cart they were pushing in.  They told me to lay back on the bed but I couldn't move!  They had to help me.  After only four minutes of pushing Katelyn arrived at 3:44 pm.  I stared in awe as I saw her on my stomach and could hardly believe she was here! 

Katelyn means "pure" so her name is pure joy!  We chose this name because after our miscarriage in January 2011 she has brought us much joy after our grief.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse really helped us during our times of grief over the loss of our third child.  We knew the Lord knew what He was doing in our lives despite the fact our hearts were so broken.  Though we didn't know the "whys" or even see an "end" to our grief we DID know that Lord would lead us and guide us and ultimately had a plan for us. 

Now, when I stare at Katelyn's little face, caress her tiny feet, feel her small hand grasping mine; I am filled with awe and wonder at the sight of her.  Chris and I always said that we didn't want more than three kids.  When I found out I was pregnant for the third time I knew that according to OUR plans it would be my last time being pregnant and our last child. 

But God's plans were different from our plans.  After the loss of our third child I felt such a desire to be pregnant again.  It was hard and we had a lot of different emotions.  I knew all the plans, hopes, dreams, and even names we had talked about for our third child would never come to fruition.  I would never hold that baby, never give them a proper name, never see what their future would hold.  Miscarriage is not only grievous but also shatters your dreams. 

If things had gone according to OUR plans then Katelyn would never be here.  Without the loss of our third child Katelyn wouldn't be in my arms.  It is strange to think about it this way but also true.  We never planned on a fourth child and yet here she is! 

When I was pregnant with Katelyn I was scared!  I had come to realize how fragile life was and I knew how easy I could go from pregnant to not pregnant and I was scared to lose her!  The verse that the Lord continually spoke to my heart was "Trust in the Lord with all your heart."  And every time fear would grip my heart and thoughts of of loss and grief would fill my mind the Lord would simply respond with "Trust Me!" 

I do still mourn the loss of our third baby and will always wonder what might have been and both Chris and I think it is perfectly normal to feel and think this way.  You never get over a loss of a child either in the womb or outside of the womb.  But I do know that no matter what heartache you face you can have peace if you know the Lord and come to realize that He has a plan for you!

Katelyn has decided she has had enough of me being on the computer.  :)

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