I've Had People Say.....

I have not updated in a while but I was thinking about the times I've told someone my son has Asperger's and how they have reacted. 

I've had people say, "I am so sorry!"

Sorry?  If you've said this before don't feel bad.  It comes from a good place in your heart.... I hope.  Saying you are sorry is like saying "poor you to be stuck with that kid" or "poor kid he will never be all right."  But I am not sorry.  He is the same boy whether or not there is a diagnosis attached to him.  Don't be sorry.  Be understanding.

I've had people say, "Really?  Are you sure?"

Ummm....yea... I am sure.  This reaction usually comes from people who have not spent much time with Nathan.  They have seen him on his good days and on his best behavior.  This comment does not offend me,  It reminds me that four years of Social Groups, Physical Therapy, and Occupational Therapy are working.  But some do get offended by this statement.  I've heard parents say it sounds like you are doubting what they know and they wish you could see the hard days, the tantrums, the stubbornness, the gagging at smells, the loud sounds, the shutting down moments.......  Yes....we are sure.

I've had people say, "My kid does those things too.  It's normal for boys."

This statement probably also comes from a good place in your heart and hopefully an honest place.  Hopefully you are trying to connect and be sympathetic and kind.  It does not offend me.  In fact it's nice to hear that my kid is "normal."  But I can tell you others find it offensive.  Why?   You are implying that maybe it's a misdiagnosis, over diagnosis, or just not that bad. So just be careful with that one.  Maybe say, "My child does some things similar to that at times."  Or just nod because maybe the mom needs to vent to you for a bit and just wants a listening ear.

I've had people say, "What is Asperger's?"

This is not at all offensive and should not be to anyone.  My opinion is just because you have had to become an expert on a topic such as autism and Asperger's does not mean the rest of the world has had to.  So educate yourself and be prepared to educate others in a kind way. 

I've had people give me the look. 

You know what I mean. That look that says, "Why is your son acting that way?"  "Isn't he too old to be doing that?"  "Why can't you control your kid?"  "He needs better discipline."  Yea....that look.   When Nathan was four he talked like an adult.  He spouted off the Presidents names, first, middle, and last like a party trick and people loved it.  He talked about soil erosion and history.  So people thought he should act like an adult too.  So when he acted like a four year sometimes acts then people give you the look.  Because of his obsessive personality he would do things that would make people look.  I don't mind people looking but not if they are giving "the look."  You know what I mean.

I've had people be downright rude.

"How old is your son?" 
"He is eight."
"Really?" said in the most nastiest way you can imagine. 
This happened when Nathan was at the park having a fit on his bike.  He was crying because he couldn't keep up with the  other kids.  And this woman was wanting me to tell him to "stop" or "be a man" or "don't be a cry baby" or something.  According to her my son was not acting his age.  According to her my son wasn't doing or behaving the way she thought he should.  Now, there are plenty of times when I have dealt with this and will explain to the person, "He  has Aspergers.  It's hard for him." But if you are being mean and nasty and thinking your two girls with their perfectly done hair eating cherries like candy are the epitome of your perfect parenting style and my son crying on his bike is not... then you get no explanation.  I'd rather go comfort and encourage my son than waste my time trying to change your mind.  Sorry.  Rude?  Maybe?  Or just the truth.....

I've had people step away.

I was talking with a woman in Target close to Christmas.  She was looking  at Imaginext toys.  Nathan's favorite.  He was not with me.  Shopping alone!  A mini vacation!  :)  She looked confused as she browsed the toys.  I asked if I could help.  She told me what her son wanted, a castle with a orange door.  I said, "It's this castle.  I know them all.  My son loves these."
"How old is your son?" she asked me cheerfully as she grabbed the castle from the shelf.
"He is eight." 
"What else does he play with?" she asked. 
"Not too much else.  He loves Imaginext toys."
She smiled.  "Really?  But like what other toys?  I need ideas for my son."
I shrugged.  I was enjoying my conversation with her.  She was so friendly and so I thought I'll just open up a bit.  "He pretty much plays with Imaginext and maybe a few action figures.  He has Aspergers so his interest are limited."
Her face changed then and I am not lying when I say  she took a step back as if she might catch a disease.  "Oh," she said and then grabbed her cart and hurried away!  I was shocked!  Her whole face went from friendly to scared in a matter of  minutes like just being near me might infect her. 
Ignorance!

And I've  had people be kind to me and Nathan and their children be kind. 

So what is the right reaction?

If you don't know then ask questions.  How did you know? How was he diagnosed?  How does he do in school? 
If you don't know what to say then maybe keep quiet or ask the mom or dad how they are doing.  Some days are rough! 
If you want to comfort then comfort but most of us don't need comfort.  We want you to just understand and help your children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews understand and to be taught kindness. 
Ask how you can help? 
Sometimes we have a lot of appointments and places and therapies and it can help to watch other kids or to even offer to go with the mom or dad to some of the appointments.
Be a friend.  Sometimes we have to be hard on our kids or always on them to try and prevent  meltdowns.
Warn us.  People with Aspergers like a plan and they liked to know what will happen.  So let us in on details for a play date before it occurs so we can prep.   
Treat our children like normal children.  Just have a little extra patience and kindness.
Be a friend.  Encourage your children to be a friend.   

  

School School School

After a busy and fun filled summer the kids had their first week of school last week and have entered into the second week today.

So far so good!

Emma likes her 1st grade teacher and is doing really well.  I think she tends to respond better to other people teaching her than her own mother!  She is reading and doing more math than I thought she could do.  She always tells me she doesn't know how to read but this momma caught her reading!  Stinker.  She is still always on the go and never stops.  As soon as her head hits the pillow it's light out.  If you don't hurry to say good night then she will be asleep before you get there to tuck her in.

Katelyn is 19 months and a busy bee.  She is not thrilled that her brother and sister are now in school.  She is absolutely in love with Mickey and Minnie Mouse and now has taken a liking to Dora.  We call her the hoarder because she likes to walk around the house with her arms absolutely full of toys!  I stopped nursing her at 18 months.  I am not weird.  I am not insane.  :)  But it was time for us to end it.  She is a easy going baby (Toddler: ahhh) and a true joy to be around. 

Nathan has done great at school!  He loves his teacher and he really thrives on the set schedule.  He acts like a movie star waving and talking to all the teachers and staff and knows their names and room numbers.  He is excited that this year might be harder for him.  His teacher is talking about getting him into the gifted program this year.  He will continue to do PT 2 times in a 6 day cycle and he will also see the school psychiatrist 2 times in a 6 day cycle which is actually more than last year.

The mornings and nights are cooling off and it seems like fall is already in the air!  I love this cooler weather.  Time sure passes fast with kids.  They are growing up very fast. 

Time for homework! 

"But they don't want to play with you..."

It's been a long time since I've updated but with the three kids, and lots of neighborhood friends and other happenings I have not taken the time to sit down and write an update!  So here goes!

Nathan is doing so well!  He is almost done with first grade.  He does complain it's too easy and he gets bored but still he is doing well.  He seems to be getting along with most of the kids at school and has made several friends.  He sort of has had a bit of a fall back when it comes to physical therapy.  This last report was not as good as his reports have been.  His main areas that he lacks in are coordination and balance.  He can't throw a ball the way a boy his age should and he can't seem to kick a rolling ball and his balance is not so good. 

But we have had victories!  Nathan is riding a bike!  This is huge!  Nathan could not ride a traditional bike.  He was not able to balance, pedal, and steer.  It was too much to do with his lack of motor skills.  But I found a really cool tricycle and now he is zipping around and so proud of himself!  So no, it's not an official bike but this proud momma doesn't care!  Close enough! 

 

Nathan's progress in the last few years is such that many say they can't even tell he has Aspergers anymore.  That is great but trust me... he has it.  :)  I am glad people "can't tell" but believe me if you were with him all the time you would notice.  Just recently he was playing with two boys in the yard and after yelling at them about rules and changing the rules and then threatening to "tell" on them they kids decided they'd had enough and left.  Nathan then came and asked me if he could go to their yard!

 

I explained that the boys left because they didn't like the way he was playing.  His reply, "Right, so I will go to their yard."  I again explained nicely they left because they didn't like the way he was playing and that he was being a little mean.  His reply?  "I know so I will go play with them in their yard."

 

My reply, "Nathan, you don't understand that they don't want to play with you."

 

He thought this over and replied, "That's why I will go to their yard."

 

So yes, he is smart and lovable but social things don't make much sense to him. 

 

He brought me a fake flower from school and he said, "Everyone threw theirs out but I gave mine to you."

 

I said, Oh Nathan!  Thank you for thinking of me!  How sweet.  I love it!  So nice for you to think of your mommy."

 

Nathan said, "Yeah well, I wasn't thinking about you.  I didn't know what to do with it so I gave it to you."  Ha ha!  Oh well!

 

He has been more affectionate lately.  I'm getting more hugs which is so nice!

 

Nathan's new obsession is chess.  He talks about it, plays it on his phone, plays it at Chess club, and plays it with a glass chess set. 

 

 

Another victory is has been a little more affectionate to me lately.   He especially enjoys texting my mom and he seems to really open up with her and tell her how he feels. 

 

Lately he has been doing this strange clap in his sisters face and I have asked him repeatedly to stop and finally I said, "Why do you keep doing that when I asked you to stop?"

He surprised me by saying, "I know I am not supposed to but I can't help it.  My Aspergers makes me do it."

Now whether or not that is true or he was trying to get out of a punishment I don't know but he has never said something like that before. 

 

 

Emma Grace is five and turning six this summer.  She is spirited and strong willed and loves to dance and sing. 

 

 

Emma loves to be a little mommy to Katelyn and Katelyn even calls Emma "Em Mom" sometimes. Ha ha!  She is helpful and imaginative.  She doesn't watch much TV.  She'd rather play with her toys, her friends, or go outside.  She is always on the go and sometimes she reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. 

 

Katelyn is 14 months old now!  That is crazy!  I remember when I could hold her with one hand because she was so small.  Now she is on the go.  She loves yogurt, she loves when her  brother and sister come home from school and she loves any visitors!  She is definitely a very social baby.  She listens very well and seems bright for her age.  She responds to most things we say and surprises us at how much she understands.  Her obsession is Mickey Mouse.  She likes to watch a Mickey show every morning while I have my coffee.  She is definitely a joy even when teething makes her cranky.

 



 Me?  I still love to cook and bake.  Though lately I am trying to be a little more careful and get rid of the rest of this baby weight!  I haven't had much time to write.  This blog alone has taken me 2 days to write and several sessions. But when I saw someone "liked" my blog on Pinterest I thought I'd better update it!   I still teach Sunday school and our yard always seems filled with children.  This has given us the opportunity to take a couple of these kids to church with us.

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Lately I feel like I have really fallen into motherhood.  I know... Nathan is 7 and so by now I should have already done this right?  But now I feel like I am a more confidant mother.  I trust my instincts, I am not afraid of a little crying when Katelyn is trying to soothe herself to sleep.  I feel like I am enjoying being a mother now more than ever. 

I am striving hard to enjoy every moment and understanding I can't really enjoy ALL the moments.  I love to be a mom but I don't love the dirty diapers and the crying.  I don't love teething and I don't look foward to potty trainging another child.  But I really have fallen into motherhood....finally.. ha ha! 

I am still nursing Katelyn in the morning and at night.  Some days I say, "Ok, she is too old and I am done with this.  I don't want to nurse anymore."  Other days I say, "Well, it's good for her, helps me burn calories, and soothes her when she is so upset so why not a little longer?"  I feel like society in general thinks it's weird to breastfeed and even weirder to breastfeed after 12 months but I don't care.  With Nathan and Emma I would have cared.  I would have scoured the internet and asked friends and doctors but now I am more confidant in my skills as a mom. 

I am not a supermom.  I end many of my days going to bed at 9:30 exhausted!  I lose my patience and I sometimes I yell.  But I am trying, like all us moms, to do this right thing. 

Chris is doing well and busier than ever at work.  It's nice to have him work from home.  I make him his  lunch and tea and I enjoy having sometime to talk to when he comes up for his lunch. 

I think that is enough of an update!  I will try harder to keep this blog updated but some days...  :)

 



504

Today Chris and I met  with a room full of people.  We met with the school psychologist, the occupational therapist, the physical therapist, and the principle.  And I say room full because it was a small room and with all these people plus us and the kids... the room was full! 

Anyways, we were there just about an hour.  The conclusion is this:

Nathan will no longer receive OT, Occupational Therapy, as he has mastered the skills he set out to achieve in OT.  He can color using more than one color and he no longer just scribbles.  He can use scissors without risking a finger.  His grasp has vastly improved.

Nathan will continue to receive PT to work on balance, endurance, and overall strength.  He will also try and learn to kick a rolling ball as his timing is still too off to appropriately do this. 

Nathan was receiving social skills classes one a month and this will get more intense and he will now receive these skill classes with the psychologist once every cycle which is once every six days.  It has been noted that he is still struggling to interact, react, and behave appropriately with his peers. 

Nathan will go to third grade for reading at what they call a higher tier.  He was at a low tier in third grade and will just go to a higher tier which is harder instead of going to fourth grade. 

They will continue to challenge him with extra work in first grade rather than move him forward a grade to 2nd.  This is being done because he is struggling so much socially. 

Overall we are satisfied with what has been laid out in the 504. 

I know this post has little flair it is more of a quick update for those interested!

Life Moves Foward

It's been a while since I updated but with the arrival of baby Katelyn I have been pretty busy!

Nathan is going to be done with school on June 7th and I can't wait!  I'm ready to have him home again and do some fun things.  I think he did well in school and though he had some struggles I think overall his first year at school went great.

Emma will be starting school in September and boy I will miss her!  She is feisty and funny and loves to help with Katelyn.

The kids have not been jealous of Katelyn.  They lover her.  She is a really great baby and a true joy to have! 

I sometimes look at her and just start crying.  I call her heartbreakingly beautiful.  Strange I know.....  But I look at her and think of our third baby I will not hold here on a earth and also remember without the loss of our third baby I would not have Katelyn.  She is so beautiful and perfect and I can't imagine NOT having her.  I talked to someone recently who told me they had 3 miscarriages.  I can't imagine.  One was beyond hard.... but three? 

Friday we meet with the school psychologist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, and I believe Nathan's teacher for next year.  I am not 100% clear on what we will discuss but I guess we will find out!  Pray for wisdom that we will know what to ask, what to say, and that Nathan will get what he needs. 

So life moves forward.  I am loving this season of my life.  It's busy and exhausting and hectic and sometimes we get dressed out of a laundry basket because I haven't had time to put it away but I am loving it!! 

Keeping Friends

Nathan is doing very well in school but is definitely struggling lately to maintain friendships.  I know this problem is common in kids with Aspergers but it doesn't mean I have to like it or even accept it!  We talk with Nathan and try to explain what a friend is and how to keep friends and how to be kind and flexible and so forth but not all of it sinks in. 

I know he has a tendency to overreact when other kids are not doing things "the right way" or "the way you are supposed to" and that can push kids away.  He also doesn't understand when someone says, "I don't want to be your friend anymore."  He finds it an odd statement since nearly everyone is his friend.  It just plain doesn't make sense to him. 

But overall he is doing better than we expected and his teacher says he is participating more and more in group activities and playing with a wider range of playground equipment, colors, etc. 

Little Miss Emma has decided she should be in school and ask everyday when she will get to go.  But I also think she doesn't mind too much being home with mommy and cooking and even getting a bath in the middle of the day!  Not too shabby I say!

I will be 32 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Hard to believe.  I am very uncomfortable at this point but it will all be worth it!

That's it for now!

Physical Therapy

Just a quick update.  Nathan's school finally hired a physical therapist which means as soon as this busy momma gets a chance I can go to Nathan's doctor to pick up his prescription for therapy and then he can start therapy at school.  He already does Occupational Therapy OT, and has made remarkable improvements but his balance and coordination still need work as well as some muscle weakness still present. 

This morning Nathan was in a terrible mood and crying and whining over everything and yelling at his sister and me!  He is supposed to have a play date today after school and I told him if he couldn't control himself I was cancelling.  Just before he got out of the van to go into school he blew me a kiss!  Very unusual for him.  I was just saying the other day how it's a shame he never seems excited to see me after school and doesn't seem to miss me so a blown kiss was special!

Nathan does not like the weekends because he said he would rather just stay at school.  We are happy he loves school so much but we also want him to understand that time with family is important. 

So that's about it for now! 

Orchestrated Steps

So I took Nathan to get a haircut today: I know  you are thinking, big deal, right?  But it's been years since I have taken him in because he tends to freak out.  I cut his hair myself it but it's not perfect at all.  He moves and complains and I've left the poor little guy with bald spots before when he turns at the wrong moment with the trimmer in my hand.  He doesn't like the noise the clippers make and he hates the hair pieces that get on him.  All in all, he HATES having his hair cut.


So yesterday I prepped him that I would be taking him in to get his hair cut.  He was not pleased.  He argued.  He complained.  He begged.

Today, I reminded him I was taking him in and he said, "Please, you just do it.  I think you do a good job."

But I told him with a wedding coming up I wanted his hair to look really good.

My intentions were to take him this morning but I spent all morning clearing out the kids room, cleaning up, rearranging.  (Nesting?) 

After lunch I took them to the park and dropped them off with Chris while I returned a DVD to the library but Chris found obscene writings and drawings on the park so I hurried back to the pick them up and we went to a different park.

I had intended to take him to get his hair done afterwards but it got too late so we came back, had a rest and a snack.

We went to a thrift store for a look around and then the moment of truth.  He was anxious as we went to Great Clips.  We walked in and the girl at the front desk said it would only be a minute and a woman came and said, "I can take you now."

Sometimes I hesitate to tell people, "Nathan, has Aspergers."  I want them to just treat him like any other five year old.

So I bumbled through a crazy, disjointed explanation of, "He's nervous and he might move around a lot. He doesn't like the sound of the clippers and he can get agitated."

She said, "I am sure he will do fine.  I'll take it slow."

"If you can just tell him what you are going to do first it will help."

Her reply, "My son is Autistic and hates having his hair cut so I know how to handle this."

"He has Aspergers!"

"That's what my son has," she replied with a smile.

And she was perfect!  Walked him through the whole thing and took her time and talked with him and she was wonderful!!!   And Nathan got a really nice hair cut.

Right person.  Right time.  Orchestrated steps..... 

And Nathan tore his clothes off as soon as he got into the house so he could have a shower to get the bits of hair off.  :)

"He Has Aspergers like you!" "Oh"

Where to start?

Nathan is officially in love with school.  He even boast about having no absences and makes sure to list who in his class has been absent before and how many times.  He knows EVERYONES name in his class and even kids from other classes.  When Chris called the school office about something he said he was calling regarding Nathan and the woman on the phone goes, "Nathan Tidball?  Oh, we know who he is!"  LOL  I bet they do!

Nathan actually does better during the week than on the weekends.  I think during the week he knows exactly what will happen and the schedule at school and he thrives on that!  Whereas our weekends are always different and we go places, run errands, get up later, etc. 

Nathan did report that he doesn't get along well with one girl and I won't go into details but the teacher has been made aware of what was happening and said she will take care of it.  We really like Nathan's teacher. 

We also have been informed that Nathan gets pulled out of class and gets to read to someone.  They said they are doing their best to challenge him.  I do admit we wish he could get into 1st grade for a more challenging education but at the same time I think he does well to be with kids his own age. 

Nathan knows the whole school schedule and what "special" they have every day. 

His first picture day is tomorrow and he said he HAD to have a red background for his picture.  His first field trip is Friday and I get to go with him!  Probably the first and only field trip I can attend since the baby will be here in February. 

We are having Nathan's birthday party early this year, in October.  A little girl from his class lives nearby and she comes and plays in the back yard with Nathan. Anyways, her mom called and said they would like to come to Nathan's party but she hesitated then said, "She has a brother who is nine and he has Aspergers and thinks he should get to go too."

I said, "No problem!  He is welcome!  Nathan has Aspergers too!"

She almost seemed excited and said she would like to talk and know what their options are.  Again, I feel so grateful we caught Nathan's early and he could spend a year at the Early Intervention and attend his social group and OT and PT.

I told Nathan about his friend's brother having Aspergers like him and he just said, "Oh."

Emma is enrolled in ballet.   She loves it!  And she is so cute in her tutu.

I am in my 6th month of pregnancy already.  Time seems to be passing fast.
 

School & Story

So Nathan is doing well at school!  He really is enjoying going and though Chris and I think it's academically a bit of a waste of time it's definitely good for him!  His teacher spotted me today and talked to me for a few minutes.  She said Nathan is doing very well and she seemed excited about it.  I think they all thought he would be more of a challenge.

It's very quiet during the day with him gone.  He makes a lot of weird noises and he is very loud and with him gone the house is very quiet!  Emma seems very content to do her thing! 

Today we walked to school..... well Nathan and Emma rode their scooters and I walked.  The trip there was fine.  Took 15 minutes but coming back was another story.  Emma fell and got the tiniest scrape EVER and decided it was life threatening enough to whine about it the whole way home... and mommy ended up carrying her scooter and Nathan's.  Not fun. 

Nathan's teacher did say she plans on doing her best to get Nathan moved to 1st grade reading.  I could tell the way she was saying it implied she really believed K reading was a waste of time for him. 

Also I am 18 weeks pregnant today!  Hooray! 

And I submitted my story to a contest and I am praying hard I will win because if I do I get published!  Hooray!

Better Late than Never

Trying to send out a quick update!

Today we meet with Nathan's teacher and then directly afterwards we meet with the school psychologist to get the 504 in place and to discuss the PT and OT Nathan will continue to receive.

Pray that we can talk with his teacher in a way that does not offend.  We have no problems with the Kindergarten curriculum but we want to make it clear that Nathan will need "more" than what might be being offered.  We were sent home a paper of what Nathan must know by the END of the year and he already knows these things. 

We also would like prayer that he will find good friends who are good influences.  Nathan is very much an imitator. 

He officially starts school on Thursday.  I am excited for him but also nervous.  He has never been to daycare, never to a pre-k, and not even in a Sunday nursery.    He's always been mine to watch and care for and now from 9-3:15 I have to trust someone else to do the job I have done for the last five, almost 6 years now. 

On other news I have made it to my 16th week of my pregnancy and it seems to be going well.  I have an appointment on Thursday after I drop Nathan off at school.

Emma is busy doing her thing.  I have told her she needs to work on her letters and numbers this year.  She will start Kindergarten next year and she could care less about numbers and letters. 

Today is also our wedding anniversary.  8 years!

I will apologize in advance for any typo's or spelling errors as I don't really have time to do a good edit. 

Wings As Eagles

It's been a while since I have updated my blog.  Not too many "new" things are happening at the moment.  Nathan will attend his last social group on Tuesday.  He is a little sad about this but he is also excited about starting school in September.  He will have one more OT session with Americ about mid- August.  It's been challenging to take Nathan to so many places and to so many appointments but we remain so grateful that the Lord so easily opened so many doors for Nathan.  We have seen many improvements.

When Nathan first attended his social group his teacher said her biggest concern was that he refused to interact with the other students and was only interested in talking to the adults in the room.  Now, Nathan has made friends and his best friend there is Alex. 

Now, without further delay I am going to tell you what happened at Greenwood Hills these last few days.  I wanted to write about this yesterday but I didn't have access to my computer then. 

We were able to attend the second family camp at Greenwood Hills from Wednesday night through Saturday afternoon.  My parents were there since my dad was one of the speakers.

  There was a little boy named Andrew there with his family.  Andrew is five years old just like Nathan.  He is a precious little boy.  But unlike Nathan, Andrew can not run.  Andrew can not walk.  Andrew can not talk.  He has spinal bifida. 

Below is a picture of Nathan with his friend, Andrew. 

Nathan went up to Andrew and talked to him.  He said, "Mom, Andrew doesn't talk to me."

I told Nathan that Andrew talked to him in other ways.  "When Andrew looks at you it means he is listening to what you are saying.  When Andrew smiles it means he likes what you are saying to him."  That was all it took.  Every day, several times a day, Nathan went right up to Andrew and would talk to him.  He asked questions and showed Andrew where he was missing his two front teeth. 

Nathan sincerely enjoyed spending time with Andrew and his family.  And in these last few days at camp I watched something beautiful unfold between the two of them.  Maybe Andrew could not speak in sentences but he spoke volumes.  I watched on the last day as Andrew's parents finished packing.  They put Andrew in the foyer and every single person who walked by Andrew stopped to tell him hello or say something to him.  And I watched their faces and I saw them smile.  Andrew, dear, precious Andrew, without saying a word was bringing joy to people.

His parents were wonderful.  They always were smiling and always looked happy.  I loved to watch the way Andrew would respond to his mom.  When he got noisy she'd tap his leg and he'd calm right down. 

So I said on facebook that yesterday Nathan was breaking my heart in all the best ways and that he made me cry.  But these were tears of both joy and absolute heartache.  After spending several days with Andrew, Nathan had really become attached to him.  Other children seemed to be nervous and unsure around Andrew but not Nathan. 

Some people might say, "Nathan is broken!  He has Aspergers.  There is something wrong with him!"

I've come to realize it's people like Nathan and Andrew who we should try to be more like.  Don't get me wrong.  Nathan had some challenges at camp.  We had a complete meltdown at the pool and he had a meltdown in the Annex over a basketball game.  It was hard.  But there is a quality that Nathan possesses that few others do.  Nathan hold no prejudice of any sort.  Everyone is his friend.  Everyone is someone to be talked to and socialized with.  It's beautiful really.  Nathan sees past what other's fear. 

And some might angrily cry out, "How could God do that to Andrew?  How could God leave him unable to talk and walk?!" 

Do not miss the beauty of a little boy like Andrew.  Remember how I told you how everyone who walked by him stopped to say hello and they smiled!  Smiled!  Andrew brings joy to people without ever saying a word to them. 

Now to tell you something Nathan said that made me cry when I took my shower that night.  Nathan said, "Mom, I am going to pray every day that God will teach Andrew to walk."    I told Nathan how proud I was of him and how happy Andrew would be to know that he was praying for him.  And later in my solitude I gave into the emotions and I wept hard in the shower.  I prayed for Andrew and his family and I thanked God for my sensitive little boy.  I also asked God to help me have more faith like a child's.  It was an emotional week as well since we have just surpassed the weeks in my pregnancy that we lost baby #3.  And I thanked God for baby #4 who thus far is growing well and doing ok!

Nathan has no doubt that praying for Andrew and asking God to help him walk will do just that.  He has no fears, no misgivings, no doubt at all in God's ability to teach Andrew to walk.  Later when I talked to Chris I said, "What if we all prayed like that?  What if we all started to pray with no doubts in God's ability?  What if we prayed with child like faith?  No science or facts or books to sway our thoughts or make us doubt.  Can you imagine what would happen?"

Maybe boys like Nathan and Andrew are not broken like the world would like to think.  Maybe it's the rest of us who are broken and when we pray and ask for something we begin to doubt even as the words leave our lips. 

Nathan laughed with absolute joy when I told him how one day, no matter what happened here on earth, that in heaven Andrew's body would be perfect.  He would not need his wheelchair and Nathan would see him running down the streets of gold.  Nathan was thrilled.  His response?  "Mom, when I get to heaven I am going to find Mr. Tim (taught the kid's meetings) and Andrew and give them a high five on the street of gold."

"But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly...well maybe not ugly...

Let's start with the good.  Chris and I are expecting again!  We saw the heart beating when I was 6 weeks 5 Days.  The baby was very tiny but very much there!  We are excited but also nervous.  The Lord has really spoken to my heart these days, telling me to trust Him in all things, to have faith, and to believe.  No matter what happens, be it good or bad, He is in control! Always!

I have not updated much because I have been very tired....and also pretty sick lately.  But I also have not updated because Chris and I got some news that we are still trying to figure out and wrap our heads around.  After having door after door open wide for us with absolute ease we had a door close in our face just as we were about to step through.  We are literally between a rock and a hard place.  No decision we make is a good one or an easy one.

Basically the TSS and the BSC that Nathan was one step away from getting is now just past that door that slammed closed.  Act 64 was a law put into place to help families, there was a good idea behind it, but it is also hurting many families and we happen to be one of them.  Without going into many details we originally were going to get Nathan's services for free but now they will cost us....a big sum.  So we have no good options basically.  We go forward and pay a large sum or we stand still and Nathan does not get the aid to go to school with him. 

We've been told if Nathan has enough behavioral issues the school will then be forced to give him an aid.  But who knows!

In all this, we DO KNOW that the Lord is in control!  He is holding us in His hands and guiding us along every step of the way.  We are disappointed to say the least, we are unsure which way to go, and so we ask that you pray with us for wisdom and guidance in making the right decision. 

Quick Update

Monday's meeting went well.

We are awaiting final approval but it looks like Nathan will get 10 hrs of a TSS.  This person will go to school with him 10 hrs a week.  And 4 hours of a BSC.  This is a Behavioral Specialist Clinician, for the home. 

The last two afternoons Nathan has really lost it and become very upset.  I'm babysitting a 8 yr old girl this summer and it's throwing his schedule off.  We just need to figure it all out.  Step by step!

Please remember to pray for our dear friends Terri Blount and Trey Love.

http://terriblount10.blogspot.com/

http://www.causes.com/causes/124694

Jeopardy Blues

We are considering banning Jeopardy in our home.

Why?  Is it the content?  No.  Is it our kids picking up bad habits?  No.  It's the fact that when our little Nathan, at five years old, only gets one or two answers right....he gets really angry and upset.  Friday he was so angry and annoyed that Jeopardy dared make the show so hard on Friday night that he could only answer one question.

He went to bed in tears.  Poor guy.

Today I ran a few errands while Chris was home with the kids.  Nathan called me on my cell phone all in tears because he didn't get a turn on a swing when he wanted.  I told him to wait and to share but he just bawled.  Sigh. 
We went to a birthday today for a friend who turned fifty.  They have a son who is nine and he has Autism.  He and Nathan got along great today and Nathan didn't have any tantrums or blow ups.  He did get upset when it was time to go but it didn't last too long.  It was so nice to talk to this boy's mom because she gets it!  She is living it!  It's amazing how similar Nathan and this boy are but also so different.  The spectrum of Autism seems to be both wide and vast.

Tomorrow is father's day!  We are grilling steak and ribs.  yumm

Monday, we begin to watch the neighbor girl while her mom goes to work.  She and Nathan and Emma get along pretty well.  Monday is also a big day because we will go to the psychologist to ask for approval for Nathan's wrap around services.  Nikki will come with us.  I pray this door opens as easily as all the other ones have.

Break Time!

I haven't written much lately because #1 My computer is a piece of junk and half the time doesn't work.  It took me 20 minutes just to get to this point of writing this!  #2 There isn't too much to say right now.

Nathan's last day at his Thursday social group was today.  He is moving to Tuesdays and that starts up again in July.  I have to admit it will be nice to have a bit of a break.  It's tiring to make that trek out to Norristown every week.  The same goes for his OT and PT.  There will be a break.

The 20th of this month Nikki and I will meet the psychologist to try and get approval for wrap around services. 

With school fast approaching it's essential we get these services in place ASAP.

On other news my poor vegetable garden is withering and struggling in the heat.  My peas have all but died. 

Nathan has his last PT tomorrow until July.  He will get his orthotics put in tomorrow as well.  It will be interesting what he thinks to wearing them.

Good News

Miss Nikki, who is doing Nathan's FBA, came out this Tuesday to talk with me and observe Nathan playing with the neighbor.

Last week she had observed him at his social group.  Nikki said Nathan and another boy named Alex have developed quite the friendship.  I knew this.  She also said Nathan would incessantly  talk even when he was not supposed to.  She also observed him rubbing Alex's head and when I asked if Alex cared she said, "No.  Alex seemed to like it."  Ha ha

Nathan is desperate to have a play date with Alex so I gave his mom my e-mail today. 

Nikki also said Nathan shouted and overacted several times during class. 

So Nikki said after observing Nathan at home, in his class, and at home some more she is going to recommend him for wrap around services.  THIS IS A GOOD THING!  He will be recommended for a BS and a TSS.  A BS is a Behavioral Specialist who will outline a plan and work with us here in the home.  A TSS is a Therapeutic Staff Support.  This person will go to school with Nathan for a few hours a day during the week.  This is the BEST part! 

The TSS will be at school to step in if Nathan gets upset or overreacts and will immediately work on teaching a coping skill.  They can help in a playground or lunch scenario; places where the noise and crowds could very possibly overwhelm Nathan.

The next step is seeing a psychologist, AGAIN, to get the approval of the services recommended by Nikki.  Nikki will be with me when we see the psychologist and be able to give her input.

We thank the Lord as He opens these doors so easily for us.  We have not had any problems with getting what Nathan needs.  While other families are struggling to get services we have had every door open wide for us and we see the Lord's hand in this. 

We do ask for prayer as we consider moving Nathan to a Tuesday social group.  His friend Alex is going to the Tuesday group and Nathan would like to stay with Alex.  But this means leaving his other friends. 

We have one week to decide. 

And please continue to pray for our dear friends, the Blounts.    I am inserting a link.
http://terriblount10.blogspot.com/

Also please pray for Trey Love. 
http://www.causes.com/causes/124694

Thanks!

Keeping Up

* My spell check is still not working so forgive my terrible spelling....anyone know how to fix it?


I started blogging about Nathan to keep family and friends updated and so I could give one easy update to everyone instead of repeating myself on the phone over and over. 

Yet, I always tell myself I'll update my blog later.  Then of course I end up telling 5-6 people the same thing about Nathan and what's happening with him.  So in the end; it will be easier if I just keep this up to date! 

Emma has been complaining her ear hurts but she also has a cold, so it's always hard to tell if it's an ear infection or just pressure from her cold.  She continues to make us laugh and pull our hair out!  What a stubborn and sweet little girl!  We can only hope one day she will be stubbornly grounded in the Word of God!

Update on Nathan:

Nikki did return and she met with Nathan.  She asked if we had a board game so I got out Candy Land.  Nikki played with Emma and Nathan and I watched.  Nathan began to get agitated quickly, he always does with board games.  I asked Nikki if she wanted me to step in as I usually would or to just let Nathan "do his thing."

She said she knew it would be hard but she wanted me to not interfere as much as possible. 

What unfolded in the next hour was both eye opening and sad.  Nathan had tantrum after tantrum and would run off to his room and yell and cry.  He shouted at Emma and was devasted when he lost the game and gloated and was rude when he won.  He ignored Nikki with she said "I'm so sad I am not winning," and showed no empathy or concern. 

Normally I am there to stop the tantrums before they happen.  I diffuse Nathan.  So sitting back and just letting him go was interesting and saddening to see how often these tantrums happened.  It also opened my eyes to realize how often, sometimes without realizing it, I am diffusing Nathan through out a day.  It is exhausting.   It makes me wonder what will happen at school when I am not there.

There is such much we could worry or stress about when it comes to Nathan but I know there is little point in worrying the day away.  My time would be so much better spent in prayer.  Don't you think?

Nikki said she appreciated me letting her "see" Nathan.  I told her she was the first person who has been working with Nathan to ever really see him the way we as a family see him.  We've gotten good at hiding and diffusing. 

Chris admitted to me the other day he always tells people that Nathan has a very mild form of Aspergers.  I told him I said the same.  It is our defense.  It's easier.  It gets less questions if we say it's mild.  People don't usually understand.  They say, "He's fine" "Are you sure?" "Really?" "He's normal!"  "He's great!"  

I said to Nikki I just wish sometimes people could spend a day with my family and see what REALLY goes on.  She said many parents feel alone and feel like people just don't understand.  In some ways I guess it's a good thing people don't see what we see. 

I also found it interesting when my parents were here and we went out to eat.  They sat us at a table right next to the door where people come in and go out and next to candy and toy machines.  Nathan wouldn't eat.  I had to feed him.  He was too busy looking at all the people and listening to the noise and talking about the candy machines.  I felt ok with my parents there.  I didn't need to explain why I was feeding my five year old son.  I had two choices.  Feed him.  Or not feed him.  If I didn't feed him he would have never eaten and he would have been hungry. 

Today was challenging.  With rising food prices we are definately shopping around more.  We went to two grocery stores today.  After we got home I had to put the groceries away.  The kids had lost their TV priviledges at the grocery store for misbehaving.  After I put the groceries away I made the kids lunch and lunch for Chris and I. Next I had to empty the dishwasher and vacuum and clean because Nathan's OT would be coming soon!

His OT arrived about an hour and a half after we got back from the store. 

Tomorrow is Physical Therapy.  Wednesday will hopefully be a play date.  Thursday is social group and Nikki will be there to observe Nathan.  I can't even remeber what Friday is supposed to be.

Now I have a splitting headache so I am off to bed!

Short & Sweet

Please forgive any spelling errors as my spell check seems to not be working! Uh oh!



I have been too busy to update much but the meeting with Nikki went really well.


Nathan is now "officially" diagnosed with Aspergers with a possible sensory disorder as well. (Could be why he gets so overwhelmed in large groups)


We were at Greenwood Hills, a camp, over the weekend. Emma had a great time and now wants to live there. She went right into the nursery and loved it.

Nathan went to the children's meeting and the first time was a disaster. Chris found him sitting with one of the adults on the couch, shut down, and a mess. They said he lost it after about five minutes and wouldn't calm down to go back in. We felt really bad and didn't want Nathan to be a distraction to the other kids. We did explain about his Aspergers and they insisted that we could try with him again. They were great with him.


I wanted to give up and just let him sit with us but Chris said he should try again. So we did and Nathan did great for the next few meetings! YAY! He also did really well when they had a late night snack in a room that got pretty loud. It didn't seem to bother him. Once he falls into a "routine" he seems to take things better.

He ran around trying to tell everyone what they should be doing, shouldn't be doing, and shouting, and trying to control everyone. Thankfully there were some boys and girls who seemed to accept his quirky self and played with him and even helped him get to the kid's meetings.



Tomorrow, Nikki, will return and meet Nathan. I don't know exactly what she is going to do. It's called a FBA or functional behavioral analysis. She will pretty much follow him around a while.



In the end she will determine what help and services we will end up getting.



That's it for now!



Busy week. Play date with a friend today.



Remember to keep praying for Ning Tan, Trey Love, and Terri Blount. I've included a few links below.


http://terriblount10.blogspot.com/?spref=fb

http://www.causes.com/causes/124694-support-trey-love

Observations

Time for an update!

As you know Nathan had gone to Creative Services for an eval and today I finally got a call back!

Unfortunately she did not have his papers in front of her and still could not tell me what the psychiatrist said! Grr.  But she said there was a definite diagnosis but she couldn't remember what is was! Go figure.

Anyways, Tuesday, a woman named Nikki will come to the house, (yay for not using gas to go somewhere!) and talk to me and go over the eval and gather information.  Next she was observe Nathan at home and at school and gather data.  After that she can tell us what services he would need. 

Please also remember to hold up in prayer those who really need it right now!  Terri Blount, mother to ten, battling cancer.  Trey Love, who is so sick from his chemo.  He has been throwing up and his parents have had to re-insert his tube down his poor little throat.  Ning Tan, who has made some progress.  And so many others!