Pure Joy

As many know we welcomed our new baby girl, Katelyn Joy, on February 2nd.  For any interested I'll tell you a short version of her birth.  Towards the end of my pregnancy I was told several times I was going to have another big baby and they wanted to deliver her early to make sure she didn't get too big like my other two.  She ended up being 7 lbs 11 oz!  The doctor declared "Average for most but a peanut for you!"


So one week before her due date on 2-2-12 we went to the hospital to be induced.  We had to be there at 7 am... we were a little late... and by 9 am we had done all our paperwork and were in our room.  They started pitocin just after 9 am and my mom arrived shortly after that. 

The contractions didn't pick up right away but soon enough I was in active labor.  We had a small scare when the doctor came to break my water and the baby moved up!  He said he wasn't sure if she was as big as they thought and he also thought she was NOT head down!  They brought in an ultrasound machine and I knew they would say I needed a c-section if she wasn't head down.  But we were all relieved when they ultrasound showed she WAS head down. 

The nurses were great and gave me wireless monitors so I could walk and stand and move freely.  I had to drag my IV around with me but Chris and my mom helped me with that.  I labored mostly standing and also sitting on the edge of my bed.  Chris rubbed my back because unlike with my last two I had a lot of pain in my lower back.  My mom was a constant source of support reminding me that I could do it and that I was doing well and to breathe and not tense up.  I found forcefully blowing out air during a contraction helped me through them the most, although at one point I got dizzy doing this and had to work hard to slow down my breathing.

At just after 3:00 pm I had been in hard labor and I reached that "I want to give up" point.  Chris and my mom were fantastic coaches and so encouraging!  They checked me and said I was only at 7 maybe 8 centimetres and I felt discouraged because now it was very painful.  But not long later as I sat on the edge of the bed I asked my mom to get me a hair tie to put my hair back when a contraction came and I immediately yelled to get the doctor. 

The doctors and nurses came tearing in and Chris said they came so fast that stuff was falling off the cart they were pushing in.  They told me to lay back on the bed but I couldn't move!  They had to help me.  After only four minutes of pushing Katelyn arrived at 3:44 pm.  I stared in awe as I saw her on my stomach and could hardly believe she was here! 

Katelyn means "pure" so her name is pure joy!  We chose this name because after our miscarriage in January 2011 she has brought us much joy after our grief.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse really helped us during our times of grief over the loss of our third child.  We knew the Lord knew what He was doing in our lives despite the fact our hearts were so broken.  Though we didn't know the "whys" or even see an "end" to our grief we DID know that Lord would lead us and guide us and ultimately had a plan for us. 

Now, when I stare at Katelyn's little face, caress her tiny feet, feel her small hand grasping mine; I am filled with awe and wonder at the sight of her.  Chris and I always said that we didn't want more than three kids.  When I found out I was pregnant for the third time I knew that according to OUR plans it would be my last time being pregnant and our last child. 

But God's plans were different from our plans.  After the loss of our third child I felt such a desire to be pregnant again.  It was hard and we had a lot of different emotions.  I knew all the plans, hopes, dreams, and even names we had talked about for our third child would never come to fruition.  I would never hold that baby, never give them a proper name, never see what their future would hold.  Miscarriage is not only grievous but also shatters your dreams. 

If things had gone according to OUR plans then Katelyn would never be here.  Without the loss of our third child Katelyn wouldn't be in my arms.  It is strange to think about it this way but also true.  We never planned on a fourth child and yet here she is! 

When I was pregnant with Katelyn I was scared!  I had come to realize how fragile life was and I knew how easy I could go from pregnant to not pregnant and I was scared to lose her!  The verse that the Lord continually spoke to my heart was "Trust in the Lord with all your heart."  And every time fear would grip my heart and thoughts of of loss and grief would fill my mind the Lord would simply respond with "Trust Me!" 



I do still mourn the loss of our third baby and will always wonder what might have been and both Chris and I think it is perfectly normal to feel and think this way.  You never get over a loss of a child either in the womb or outside of the womb.  But I do know that no matter what heartache you face you can have peace if you know the Lord and come to realize that He has a plan for you!

Katelyn has decided she has had enough of me being on the computer.  :)

Keeping Friends

Nathan is doing very well in school but is definitely struggling lately to maintain friendships.  I know this problem is common in kids with Aspergers but it doesn't mean I have to like it or even accept it!  We talk with Nathan and try to explain what a friend is and how to keep friends and how to be kind and flexible and so forth but not all of it sinks in. 

I know he has a tendency to overreact when other kids are not doing things "the right way" or "the way you are supposed to" and that can push kids away.  He also doesn't understand when someone says, "I don't want to be your friend anymore."  He finds it an odd statement since nearly everyone is his friend.  It just plain doesn't make sense to him. 

But overall he is doing better than we expected and his teacher says he is participating more and more in group activities and playing with a wider range of playground equipment, colors, etc. 

Little Miss Emma has decided she should be in school and ask everyday when she will get to go.  But I also think she doesn't mind too much being home with mommy and cooking and even getting a bath in the middle of the day!  Not too shabby I say!

I will be 32 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Hard to believe.  I am very uncomfortable at this point but it will all be worth it!

That's it for now!

Physical Therapy

Just a quick update.  Nathan's school finally hired a physical therapist which means as soon as this busy momma gets a chance I can go to Nathan's doctor to pick up his prescription for therapy and then he can start therapy at school.  He already does Occupational Therapy OT, and has made remarkable improvements but his balance and coordination still need work as well as some muscle weakness still present. 

This morning Nathan was in a terrible mood and crying and whining over everything and yelling at his sister and me!  He is supposed to have a play date today after school and I told him if he couldn't control himself I was cancelling.  Just before he got out of the van to go into school he blew me a kiss!  Very unusual for him.  I was just saying the other day how it's a shame he never seems excited to see me after school and doesn't seem to miss me so a blown kiss was special!

Nathan does not like the weekends because he said he would rather just stay at school.  We are happy he loves school so much but we also want him to understand that time with family is important. 

So that's about it for now! 

Orchestrated Steps

So I took Nathan to get a haircut today: I know  you are thinking, big deal, right?  But it's been years since I have taken him in because he tends to freak out.  I cut his hair myself it but it's not perfect at all.  He moves and complains and I've left the poor little guy with bald spots before when he turns at the wrong moment with the trimmer in my hand.  He doesn't like the noise the clippers make and he hates the hair pieces that get on him.  All in all, he HATES having his hair cut.


So yesterday I prepped him that I would be taking him in to get his hair cut.  He was not pleased.  He argued.  He complained.  He begged.

Today, I reminded him I was taking him in and he said, "Please, you just do it.  I think you do a good job."

But I told him with a wedding coming up I wanted his hair to look really good.

My intentions were to take him this morning but I spent all morning clearing out the kids room, cleaning up, rearranging.  (Nesting?) 

After lunch I took them to the park and dropped them off with Chris while I returned a DVD to the library but Chris found obscene writings and drawings on the park so I hurried back to the pick them up and we went to a different park.

I had intended to take him to get his hair done afterwards but it got too late so we came back, had a rest and a snack.

We went to a thrift store for a look around and then the moment of truth.  He was anxious as we went to Great Clips.  We walked in and the girl at the front desk said it would only be a minute and a woman came and said, "I can take you now."

Sometimes I hesitate to tell people, "Nathan, has Aspergers."  I want them to just treat him like any other five year old.

So I bumbled through a crazy, disjointed explanation of, "He's nervous and he might move around a lot. He doesn't like the sound of the clippers and he can get agitated."

She said, "I am sure he will do fine.  I'll take it slow."

"If you can just tell him what you are going to do first it will help."

Her reply, "My son is Autistic and hates having his hair cut so I know how to handle this."

"He has Aspergers!"

"That's what my son has," she replied with a smile.

And she was perfect!  Walked him through the whole thing and took her time and talked with him and she was wonderful!!!   And Nathan got a really nice hair cut.

Right person.  Right time.  Orchestrated steps..... 

And Nathan tore his clothes off as soon as he got into the house so he could have a shower to get the bits of hair off.  :)

"He Has Aspergers like you!" "Oh"

Where to start?

Nathan is officially in love with school.  He even boast about having no absences and makes sure to list who in his class has been absent before and how many times.  He knows EVERYONES name in his class and even kids from other classes.  When Chris called the school office about something he said he was calling regarding Nathan and the woman on the phone goes, "Nathan Tidball?  Oh, we know who he is!"  LOL  I bet they do!

Nathan actually does better during the week than on the weekends.  I think during the week he knows exactly what will happen and the schedule at school and he thrives on that!  Whereas our weekends are always different and we go places, run errands, get up later, etc. 

Nathan did report that he doesn't get along well with one girl and I won't go into details but the teacher has been made aware of what was happening and said she will take care of it.  We really like Nathan's teacher. 

We also have been informed that Nathan gets pulled out of class and gets to read to someone.  They said they are doing their best to challenge him.  I do admit we wish he could get into 1st grade for a more challenging education but at the same time I think he does well to be with kids his own age. 

Nathan knows the whole school schedule and what "special" they have every day. 

His first picture day is tomorrow and he said he HAD to have a red background for his picture.  His first field trip is Friday and I get to go with him!  Probably the first and only field trip I can attend since the baby will be here in February. 

We are having Nathan's birthday party early this year, in October.  A little girl from his class lives nearby and she comes and plays in the back yard with Nathan. Anyways, her mom called and said they would like to come to Nathan's party but she hesitated then said, "She has a brother who is nine and he has Aspergers and thinks he should get to go too."

I said, "No problem!  He is welcome!  Nathan has Aspergers too!"

She almost seemed excited and said she would like to talk and know what their options are.  Again, I feel so grateful we caught Nathan's early and he could spend a year at the Early Intervention and attend his social group and OT and PT.

I told Nathan about his friend's brother having Aspergers like him and he just said, "Oh."

Emma is enrolled in ballet.   She loves it!  And she is so cute in her tutu.

I am in my 6th month of pregnancy already.  Time seems to be passing fast.
 

We are Blessed

Well much has happened but it's becoming routine.  Nathan is loving school and hasn't really had any incidents.  The "incidents" that have popped up have been minor and settled at school.  He loves to go and they are trying to challenge him more especially with reading. 

Emma has been enjoying ruling the roost while Nathan is gone but today she really missed him.  She was being cranky and crying and I asked her what was wrong and she said she had no one to play with.  So I stopped my chores and played with her.  We colored for a long time together.  She kept calling me Nathan by accident ha ha!

We went Monday, the 26th, for an ultrasound.  My parents were able to come into the room with me and Chris was there along with Emma and Nathan.  It's hard sometimes doing ultrasounds and listening to the heartbeat and NOT thinking about baby #3.  I am happy about the little girl doing somersaults in my belly but my heart still aches at times.  You never get over the loss of a child no matter if you lose them at 3 months into your pregnancy or when they are older.  You learn to cope and you heal. 

For my ultrasound this time we were in the very same room as we went into one late morning on January 20th when we were scared.  Hopeful.  Prayerful.  The same room where the tech shook her head and said she was sorry.  The same room where we were told our baby had died.  I tried not to think of that as I lay on the table Monday.  The baby was literally doing flips in the womb and was so active the ultrasound tech said she had a hard time taking measurements because the baby kept moving. 

Nathan was devastated and cried when he found out the baby was a girl.  He wanted a brother so badly.  I had a feeling all along it was a girl and I was right.  I have a feeling the baby I lost was a boy... guess I have a 50/50 chance of being right with that too. 

Though I would never wish to lose a child, never hope to go through such pain- a part of me is grateful.  Don't get me wrong.  Like I said I would not choose this.  But losing a baby has given me the ability to better understand the loss of a child in the womb.  And like any heartache I was given the opportunity to be held by the Savior when I was too weak to even stand. 

Like a broken sheep that must be held close to the Shepherd's chest while it begins to mend; I was held tight the Savior.  During the times my grief seemed too heavy to bear the Shepherd whispered words to my aching heart.  Words meant only for me. 

Let me tell you; once you've been broken, once you've been held close by the Shepherd and touched by the Healer; you are never the same.  How could you be? 

Sometimes my heart aches at the fact that we are preparing a crib for this baby, readying our home, our children, and even clothes for the baby's arrival.  This was supposed to be for baby #3.  We should have had a nearly two month old keeping us awake at night but instead I am 5, almost 6, months pregnant with baby #4.

And I am smitten.  Every roll, every kick, every time I hear her precious heart beating with that Doppler I am grateful.  We can't think what MIGHT have been.  We can only move forward.  I know I will see baby #3 in heaven one day.  I am certain of it. 

We are blessed. 

School & Story

So Nathan is doing well at school!  He really is enjoying going and though Chris and I think it's academically a bit of a waste of time it's definitely good for him!  His teacher spotted me today and talked to me for a few minutes.  She said Nathan is doing very well and she seemed excited about it.  I think they all thought he would be more of a challenge.

It's very quiet during the day with him gone.  He makes a lot of weird noises and he is very loud and with him gone the house is very quiet!  Emma seems very content to do her thing! 

Today we walked to school..... well Nathan and Emma rode their scooters and I walked.  The trip there was fine.  Took 15 minutes but coming back was another story.  Emma fell and got the tiniest scrape EVER and decided it was life threatening enough to whine about it the whole way home... and mommy ended up carrying her scooter and Nathan's.  Not fun. 

Nathan's teacher did say she plans on doing her best to get Nathan moved to 1st grade reading.  I could tell the way she was saying it implied she really believed K reading was a waste of time for him. 

Also I am 18 weeks pregnant today!  Hooray! 

And I submitted my story to a contest and I am praying hard I will win because if I do I get published!  Hooray!