Orchestrated Steps

So I took Nathan to get a haircut today: I know  you are thinking, big deal, right?  But it's been years since I have taken him in because he tends to freak out.  I cut his hair myself it but it's not perfect at all.  He moves and complains and I've left the poor little guy with bald spots before when he turns at the wrong moment with the trimmer in my hand.  He doesn't like the noise the clippers make and he hates the hair pieces that get on him.  All in all, he HATES having his hair cut.


So yesterday I prepped him that I would be taking him in to get his hair cut.  He was not pleased.  He argued.  He complained.  He begged.

Today, I reminded him I was taking him in and he said, "Please, you just do it.  I think you do a good job."

But I told him with a wedding coming up I wanted his hair to look really good.

My intentions were to take him this morning but I spent all morning clearing out the kids room, cleaning up, rearranging.  (Nesting?) 

After lunch I took them to the park and dropped them off with Chris while I returned a DVD to the library but Chris found obscene writings and drawings on the park so I hurried back to the pick them up and we went to a different park.

I had intended to take him to get his hair done afterwards but it got too late so we came back, had a rest and a snack.

We went to a thrift store for a look around and then the moment of truth.  He was anxious as we went to Great Clips.  We walked in and the girl at the front desk said it would only be a minute and a woman came and said, "I can take you now."

Sometimes I hesitate to tell people, "Nathan, has Aspergers."  I want them to just treat him like any other five year old.

So I bumbled through a crazy, disjointed explanation of, "He's nervous and he might move around a lot. He doesn't like the sound of the clippers and he can get agitated."

She said, "I am sure he will do fine.  I'll take it slow."

"If you can just tell him what you are going to do first it will help."

Her reply, "My son is Autistic and hates having his hair cut so I know how to handle this."

"He has Aspergers!"

"That's what my son has," she replied with a smile.

And she was perfect!  Walked him through the whole thing and took her time and talked with him and she was wonderful!!!   And Nathan got a really nice hair cut.

Right person.  Right time.  Orchestrated steps..... 

And Nathan tore his clothes off as soon as he got into the house so he could have a shower to get the bits of hair off.  :)

"He Has Aspergers like you!" "Oh"

Where to start?

Nathan is officially in love with school.  He even boast about having no absences and makes sure to list who in his class has been absent before and how many times.  He knows EVERYONES name in his class and even kids from other classes.  When Chris called the school office about something he said he was calling regarding Nathan and the woman on the phone goes, "Nathan Tidball?  Oh, we know who he is!"  LOL  I bet they do!

Nathan actually does better during the week than on the weekends.  I think during the week he knows exactly what will happen and the schedule at school and he thrives on that!  Whereas our weekends are always different and we go places, run errands, get up later, etc. 

Nathan did report that he doesn't get along well with one girl and I won't go into details but the teacher has been made aware of what was happening and said she will take care of it.  We really like Nathan's teacher. 

We also have been informed that Nathan gets pulled out of class and gets to read to someone.  They said they are doing their best to challenge him.  I do admit we wish he could get into 1st grade for a more challenging education but at the same time I think he does well to be with kids his own age. 

Nathan knows the whole school schedule and what "special" they have every day. 

His first picture day is tomorrow and he said he HAD to have a red background for his picture.  His first field trip is Friday and I get to go with him!  Probably the first and only field trip I can attend since the baby will be here in February. 

We are having Nathan's birthday party early this year, in October.  A little girl from his class lives nearby and she comes and plays in the back yard with Nathan. Anyways, her mom called and said they would like to come to Nathan's party but she hesitated then said, "She has a brother who is nine and he has Aspergers and thinks he should get to go too."

I said, "No problem!  He is welcome!  Nathan has Aspergers too!"

She almost seemed excited and said she would like to talk and know what their options are.  Again, I feel so grateful we caught Nathan's early and he could spend a year at the Early Intervention and attend his social group and OT and PT.

I told Nathan about his friend's brother having Aspergers like him and he just said, "Oh."

Emma is enrolled in ballet.   She loves it!  And she is so cute in her tutu.

I am in my 6th month of pregnancy already.  Time seems to be passing fast.
 

We are Blessed

Well much has happened but it's becoming routine.  Nathan is loving school and hasn't really had any incidents.  The "incidents" that have popped up have been minor and settled at school.  He loves to go and they are trying to challenge him more especially with reading. 

Emma has been enjoying ruling the roost while Nathan is gone but today she really missed him.  She was being cranky and crying and I asked her what was wrong and she said she had no one to play with.  So I stopped my chores and played with her.  We colored for a long time together.  She kept calling me Nathan by accident ha ha!

We went Monday, the 26th, for an ultrasound.  My parents were able to come into the room with me and Chris was there along with Emma and Nathan.  It's hard sometimes doing ultrasounds and listening to the heartbeat and NOT thinking about baby #3.  I am happy about the little girl doing somersaults in my belly but my heart still aches at times.  You never get over the loss of a child no matter if you lose them at 3 months into your pregnancy or when they are older.  You learn to cope and you heal. 

For my ultrasound this time we were in the very same room as we went into one late morning on January 20th when we were scared.  Hopeful.  Prayerful.  The same room where the tech shook her head and said she was sorry.  The same room where we were told our baby had died.  I tried not to think of that as I lay on the table Monday.  The baby was literally doing flips in the womb and was so active the ultrasound tech said she had a hard time taking measurements because the baby kept moving. 

Nathan was devastated and cried when he found out the baby was a girl.  He wanted a brother so badly.  I had a feeling all along it was a girl and I was right.  I have a feeling the baby I lost was a boy... guess I have a 50/50 chance of being right with that too. 

Though I would never wish to lose a child, never hope to go through such pain- a part of me is grateful.  Don't get me wrong.  Like I said I would not choose this.  But losing a baby has given me the ability to better understand the loss of a child in the womb.  And like any heartache I was given the opportunity to be held by the Savior when I was too weak to even stand. 

Like a broken sheep that must be held close to the Shepherd's chest while it begins to mend; I was held tight the Savior.  During the times my grief seemed too heavy to bear the Shepherd whispered words to my aching heart.  Words meant only for me. 

Let me tell you; once you've been broken, once you've been held close by the Shepherd and touched by the Healer; you are never the same.  How could you be? 

Sometimes my heart aches at the fact that we are preparing a crib for this baby, readying our home, our children, and even clothes for the baby's arrival.  This was supposed to be for baby #3.  We should have had a nearly two month old keeping us awake at night but instead I am 5, almost 6, months pregnant with baby #4.

And I am smitten.  Every roll, every kick, every time I hear her precious heart beating with that Doppler I am grateful.  We can't think what MIGHT have been.  We can only move forward.  I know I will see baby #3 in heaven one day.  I am certain of it. 

We are blessed. 

School & Story

So Nathan is doing well at school!  He really is enjoying going and though Chris and I think it's academically a bit of a waste of time it's definitely good for him!  His teacher spotted me today and talked to me for a few minutes.  She said Nathan is doing very well and she seemed excited about it.  I think they all thought he would be more of a challenge.

It's very quiet during the day with him gone.  He makes a lot of weird noises and he is very loud and with him gone the house is very quiet!  Emma seems very content to do her thing! 

Today we walked to school..... well Nathan and Emma rode their scooters and I walked.  The trip there was fine.  Took 15 minutes but coming back was another story.  Emma fell and got the tiniest scrape EVER and decided it was life threatening enough to whine about it the whole way home... and mommy ended up carrying her scooter and Nathan's.  Not fun. 

Nathan's teacher did say she plans on doing her best to get Nathan moved to 1st grade reading.  I could tell the way she was saying it implied she really believed K reading was a waste of time for him. 

Also I am 18 weeks pregnant today!  Hooray! 

And I submitted my story to a contest and I am praying hard I will win because if I do I get published!  Hooray!

Better Late than Never

Trying to send out a quick update!

Today we meet with Nathan's teacher and then directly afterwards we meet with the school psychologist to get the 504 in place and to discuss the PT and OT Nathan will continue to receive.

Pray that we can talk with his teacher in a way that does not offend.  We have no problems with the Kindergarten curriculum but we want to make it clear that Nathan will need "more" than what might be being offered.  We were sent home a paper of what Nathan must know by the END of the year and he already knows these things. 

We also would like prayer that he will find good friends who are good influences.  Nathan is very much an imitator. 

He officially starts school on Thursday.  I am excited for him but also nervous.  He has never been to daycare, never to a pre-k, and not even in a Sunday nursery.    He's always been mine to watch and care for and now from 9-3:15 I have to trust someone else to do the job I have done for the last five, almost 6 years now. 

On other news I have made it to my 16th week of my pregnancy and it seems to be going well.  I have an appointment on Thursday after I drop Nathan off at school.

Emma is busy doing her thing.  I have told her she needs to work on her letters and numbers this year.  She will start Kindergarten next year and she could care less about numbers and letters. 

Today is also our wedding anniversary.  8 years!

I will apologize in advance for any typo's or spelling errors as I don't really have time to do a good edit. 

Wings As Eagles

It's been a while since I have updated my blog.  Not too many "new" things are happening at the moment.  Nathan will attend his last social group on Tuesday.  He is a little sad about this but he is also excited about starting school in September.  He will have one more OT session with Americ about mid- August.  It's been challenging to take Nathan to so many places and to so many appointments but we remain so grateful that the Lord so easily opened so many doors for Nathan.  We have seen many improvements.

When Nathan first attended his social group his teacher said her biggest concern was that he refused to interact with the other students and was only interested in talking to the adults in the room.  Now, Nathan has made friends and his best friend there is Alex. 

Now, without further delay I am going to tell you what happened at Greenwood Hills these last few days.  I wanted to write about this yesterday but I didn't have access to my computer then. 

We were able to attend the second family camp at Greenwood Hills from Wednesday night through Saturday afternoon.  My parents were there since my dad was one of the speakers.

  There was a little boy named Andrew there with his family.  Andrew is five years old just like Nathan.  He is a precious little boy.  But unlike Nathan, Andrew can not run.  Andrew can not walk.  Andrew can not talk.  He has spinal bifida. 

Below is a picture of Nathan with his friend, Andrew. 

Nathan went up to Andrew and talked to him.  He said, "Mom, Andrew doesn't talk to me."

I told Nathan that Andrew talked to him in other ways.  "When Andrew looks at you it means he is listening to what you are saying.  When Andrew smiles it means he likes what you are saying to him."  That was all it took.  Every day, several times a day, Nathan went right up to Andrew and would talk to him.  He asked questions and showed Andrew where he was missing his two front teeth. 

Nathan sincerely enjoyed spending time with Andrew and his family.  And in these last few days at camp I watched something beautiful unfold between the two of them.  Maybe Andrew could not speak in sentences but he spoke volumes.  I watched on the last day as Andrew's parents finished packing.  They put Andrew in the foyer and every single person who walked by Andrew stopped to tell him hello or say something to him.  And I watched their faces and I saw them smile.  Andrew, dear, precious Andrew, without saying a word was bringing joy to people.

His parents were wonderful.  They always were smiling and always looked happy.  I loved to watch the way Andrew would respond to his mom.  When he got noisy she'd tap his leg and he'd calm right down. 

So I said on facebook that yesterday Nathan was breaking my heart in all the best ways and that he made me cry.  But these were tears of both joy and absolute heartache.  After spending several days with Andrew, Nathan had really become attached to him.  Other children seemed to be nervous and unsure around Andrew but not Nathan. 

Some people might say, "Nathan is broken!  He has Aspergers.  There is something wrong with him!"

I've come to realize it's people like Nathan and Andrew who we should try to be more like.  Don't get me wrong.  Nathan had some challenges at camp.  We had a complete meltdown at the pool and he had a meltdown in the Annex over a basketball game.  It was hard.  But there is a quality that Nathan possesses that few others do.  Nathan hold no prejudice of any sort.  Everyone is his friend.  Everyone is someone to be talked to and socialized with.  It's beautiful really.  Nathan sees past what other's fear. 

And some might angrily cry out, "How could God do that to Andrew?  How could God leave him unable to talk and walk?!" 

Do not miss the beauty of a little boy like Andrew.  Remember how I told you how everyone who walked by him stopped to say hello and they smiled!  Smiled!  Andrew brings joy to people without ever saying a word to them. 

Now to tell you something Nathan said that made me cry when I took my shower that night.  Nathan said, "Mom, I am going to pray every day that God will teach Andrew to walk."    I told Nathan how proud I was of him and how happy Andrew would be to know that he was praying for him.  And later in my solitude I gave into the emotions and I wept hard in the shower.  I prayed for Andrew and his family and I thanked God for my sensitive little boy.  I also asked God to help me have more faith like a child's.  It was an emotional week as well since we have just surpassed the weeks in my pregnancy that we lost baby #3.  And I thanked God for baby #4 who thus far is growing well and doing ok!

Nathan has no doubt that praying for Andrew and asking God to help him walk will do just that.  He has no fears, no misgivings, no doubt at all in God's ability to teach Andrew to walk.  Later when I talked to Chris I said, "What if we all prayed like that?  What if we all started to pray with no doubts in God's ability?  What if we prayed with child like faith?  No science or facts or books to sway our thoughts or make us doubt.  Can you imagine what would happen?"

Maybe boys like Nathan and Andrew are not broken like the world would like to think.  Maybe it's the rest of us who are broken and when we pray and ask for something we begin to doubt even as the words leave our lips. 

Nathan laughed with absolute joy when I told him how one day, no matter what happened here on earth, that in heaven Andrew's body would be perfect.  He would not need his wheelchair and Nathan would see him running down the streets of gold.  Nathan was thrilled.  His response?  "Mom, when I get to heaven I am going to find Mr. Tim (taught the kid's meetings) and Andrew and give them a high five on the street of gold."

"But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly...well maybe not ugly...

Let's start with the good.  Chris and I are expecting again!  We saw the heart beating when I was 6 weeks 5 Days.  The baby was very tiny but very much there!  We are excited but also nervous.  The Lord has really spoken to my heart these days, telling me to trust Him in all things, to have faith, and to believe.  No matter what happens, be it good or bad, He is in control! Always!

I have not updated much because I have been very tired....and also pretty sick lately.  But I also have not updated because Chris and I got some news that we are still trying to figure out and wrap our heads around.  After having door after door open wide for us with absolute ease we had a door close in our face just as we were about to step through.  We are literally between a rock and a hard place.  No decision we make is a good one or an easy one.

Basically the TSS and the BSC that Nathan was one step away from getting is now just past that door that slammed closed.  Act 64 was a law put into place to help families, there was a good idea behind it, but it is also hurting many families and we happen to be one of them.  Without going into many details we originally were going to get Nathan's services for free but now they will cost us....a big sum.  So we have no good options basically.  We go forward and pay a large sum or we stand still and Nathan does not get the aid to go to school with him. 

We've been told if Nathan has enough behavioral issues the school will then be forced to give him an aid.  But who knows!

In all this, we DO KNOW that the Lord is in control!  He is holding us in His hands and guiding us along every step of the way.  We are disappointed to say the least, we are unsure which way to go, and so we ask that you pray with us for wisdom and guidance in making the right decision.